Few admit to the need to address sexism against men. When sexism is mentioned, it is always against women, such as women being forced against personal will towards specific careers, roles in society, or body types. Sexism against men though, is always a non-issue. No one seems to consider it a problem, but I believe the reality to be radically different.
First though, I would like to note that many consequences of sexism against women are greater at the moment than those of male sexism. The current rates of rape and domestic violence against women are appalling, and there are no consequences of male sexism that are near as visible, drastic, or tragic. I do believe, however, that addressing society’s extreme biases regarding men would significantly help to resolve the issues that cause sexism against women to be so widespread. In addition, before I begin, the biases to be discussed are held generally by society as a whole, not by just men or just women, but by both.
These societal biases have been especially highlighted from my point of view as a generally unconventional male by our society’s standards. I am religious, for one, and a member of a relatively uncommon religion at that (I’m a Mormon); women tend to be more religious than men. I do not care much for the pursuits of physical strength, by way of sports or otherwise. I do, however, very much enjoy learning and intellectual pursuits, which, in my experience, is considered something more of a female tendency.
My first clash with societal expectations began (as I remember it) when I was in second grade and made a new friend who I spent much time with, who happened to be a girl. Some of the other boys did not seem to understand this and immediately I was rejected, and I recall most of my friends from elementary school being girls from that point on, as I generally felt that the other boys no longer accepted me. Though the reality might have been different, the few had given me that impression.
As I grew older, more and more of the other boys my age began to feel the need to get physically fit. I could not tell you why or how, because I never felt such a need. I still do not, but regardless of that others did and do. I would say the vast majority did. It was in seventh grade when there was a weightlifting portion of PE class that I found out how much others had somehow gotten ahead of me, as I generally lifted the weights that girls lifted while the other boys were lifting much more in most cases. Initially, the teacher thought I was simply messing around like any seventh grader might, but as soon as I wasn’t able to lift the weights he tried to have me use, he realized I was not fooling around and did not push it afterwards. But I could not help but feel inferior to the other boys as they boasted about their strength as boys so frequently do. Fortunately, I was rarely in classes with such boys, but more frequently was in female-dominated honors classes. In a lot of those classes, the subject of the gender ratio would come up in conversation and we would count the number of boys and girls, and girls always held the majority, without exception, in both middle and high school.
By this point, several people have probably left this post thinking:
“Well, he should have gone to the gym!”
“This kid needs to man up and quit whining about his seventh grade problems.”
They have simply proven my point, though, as the expectation of society is that men are not fragile, but strong, in all respects, be it mental, physical, or emotional. Well, I am none of the above. I am weak and I know it. And because of that, people like those who have stopped reading push against me, and isolate me and consider me too different to care about. They expect me to be something I am not, and despite my deep desire to be different, I have yet to find success in changing myself in the ways society expects. And when society’s expectations are not met, rejection quickly follows.
I am the least desirable physically. I can barely do a pull-up, and I am fairly skinny. Unlike society’s expectations of men (especially in the U.S.) I show my emotions. I tear up at sad parts of movies (though I tend to hide it well, because of the reactions of others). And mentally, I lack the strength to keep to any decently healthy regimen. If I try to run regularly, I fall off the habit before a month has gone by, not by lack of energy but lack of mental fortitude to continue forward.
So what does society expect of someone like me? Well, they expect me to be either “gay” or a “gamer.” I have received very honest questions regarding the former (I am very much “straight”) and regarding the latter, I couldn’t tell you any major difference between Xbox and PlayStation besides the companies who make them.
Now, I think I have beat around the bush long enough, so what does any of this have to do with male sexism? I’ll answer with questions:
Why do I have to be strong?
Why do I have to care about having perfectly “chiseled” muscles?
Why can’t I show emotion when Dumbledore dies?
Why can’t I be good at reading?
Why can’t I be religious?
Why do I have to be good at sports?
Why can’t I refuse to drink?
Why can’t I refuse to do stupid, risky ideas?
Why do I have to respond to every call to prove I’m a man?
Why do I have to be violent when provoked?
Why can’t I forgive?
Why can’t I be faithful to only one woman?
Why can’t I find women to be more than objects, but actual people?
Why can’t I want a family and children?
The answer: society’s expectations of men. In other words, widespread sexism. We talk so much about how we should protect women from sexism and such, when it is society’s expectation that men be, essentially, sexist. Or that they exhibit sexist behavior in order to prove that they are strong or manly or whatever other label may be used. To be clear, that is still no excuse for men to behave in such a way, but I honestly doubt very many men are actually sexist, and rather feel many expectations force the behavior on them in a way. So, to fight sexism, we must fight it on all fronts, which means we must change our expectations of all genders. We cannot only empower women to do what is right, we must empower men to do what is right. We must hold up both ends of the fight. And laws won’t fix the issues at hand. Society must change its expectations. We must change our expectations. A few examples:
We cannot expect men to be simple, sexual creatures.
We cannot expect women to be simple, sexual objects.
We cannot expect men to be strong.
We cannot expect women to be fragile.
We cannot expect men to settle arguments in fistfights.
We cannot expect women to settle arguments in endless drama.
We cannot expect men to pursue “manly” careers.
We cannot expect women to pursue “womanly” careers.
We must expect respect, kindness, and forgiveness. We must expect that men and women have the same opportunities to the pursuit of happiness, whatever that may be, so long as it does not inhibit another’s pursuit.
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